God, Guns, Country

Walking ....

I rode, not drove
To a quiet place for peace
So elusive lately
Three miles around a lake
To think
To wonder why.

God made this day ....

Blue sky, warm sun and pine trees
Not a cloud in sight
No people either, just me
Mother Nature fooled the calendar
As She often does
In Georgia, in December.

God looks down ....

And sheds a tear for us
Guns everywhere to blame
But it cuts much deeper to our souls
It's a culture of violence
It's all we have ever known 

We must face our violent truth.

We hated the Brits ....

And a nation was formed
Born in violence and nothing has changed
We elect a conservative president
Who appoints conservative judges
Who love powerful guns
And children die.

We hate weed ....

And fill our jails with young, black men
We hate health care
And fail to see a moral imperative
Preachers hate queers
Preachers hate women
Do preachers hate God too? 

But We Love War ....

It's the worst kind of violence
We do it too often, too easily, too recklessly
We hate a bad guy
And destroy the lives of countless innocents
Why?
I didn't know then
And I don't know now.

Abraham, Martin and John ....

We wanted more land and killed the Indians
We wanted cheap labor and enslaved a people
We killed each other to right a wrong
We killed a great president
A great man of peaceful change
Another president and a brother
Listen to the music.

I Swear to God .... 

It's true 

People buy it for $3.99 on eBay

And put it on bumpers and windows 

Says GGC in bold print 

It's sick, it's us
I want to cry 
And the children die.
 

Remember When?

I sent her a text message a few days ago, acknowledging the one year anniversary of our first date when, like teenagers, we made out on the shores of the Hooch.  I asked her if she remembers when and she responded, "Of course, I remember when."  I would have been hurt if she had forgotten so soon.

We chit-chatted for a time before the conversation turned serious when I asked why we stopped dating.  She told me it became too much for her to handle.  When she said this, it was like a weight lifted; it gave me some closure that has long been missing.  Before, I only got excuses for missed opportunities.

Her answer doesn't explain everything, but it is good enough for now.  I suspected emotional overload, but it meant so much to hear her actually say it.  So, in a follow-up email the next morning, I thanked her.  I told her the women in my past remain dear, and if at anytime, she wants a beer, a roll in the hay or a male friend just to talk to, I'll be there.  She only needs to call on me.

Sadly, I know she won't.

Marijuana Kudos

Kudos to the good folks of Washington State and Colorado for voting in favor of common sense.  It is now legal in both states to possess personal use amounts of cannabis in private.
Why is this important?  To answer this question factually (I'm trusting), I turned to the NORML website and copied the following nearly verbatim (the non-italicized comments are mine):

1.) Marijuana is the third most popular recreational drug in America, behind only alcohol and tobacco, and has been used by nearly 100 million Americans;

2.) Marijuana is far less dangerous than alcohol or tobacco.  Around 50,000 people die each year from alcohol poisoning.  Similarly, more than 400,000 deaths each year are attributed to tobacco smoking.  By comparison, marijuana is nontoxic and cannot cause death by overdose.  (I assume this ignores the carcinogenic effects of smoke intake.); 

3.) Enforcing marijuana prohibition costs taxpayers an estimated $10 billion annually and results in the arrest of more than 750,000 individuals per year (a disproportionate number of whom are young, black males) - far more than the total number of arrested individuals for all violent crimes combined, including murder, rape, robbery and aggravated assault;

4.) Driven by the Drug War, the U.S. prison population is six to ten times as high as most Western European nations. The United States is a close second only to Russia in its rate of incarceration; 

5.) Of all the negative consequences of marijuana prohibition, none is as tragic as the denial of medicinal cannabis to the tens of thousands of patients who could benefit from its therapeutic use.

Of course, cannabis is still illegal at the federal level and currently in all but two states. Undoubtedly, other states will follow suit now that Washington State and Colorado have paved the way (except here in the Southeast where social change is always slow to come).  A great deal of work remains with the two states in developing implementation legislation and at the federal level reconciling the federal and state legal differences. When asked about going after weed users in legal states, President Obama is on record saying, "We've got bigger fish to fry." 

As noted in the previous post, prohibition can be a very bad idea, whether applicable to alcohol, abortion or marijuana.  After years of following a terribly failed prohibitionist policy for which we are paying a huge price, both in human and monetary terms, the time for change is now.  Two states have stepped up to the plate and, hopefully, others will soon follow their lead.
    

Tiny White Crosses

On the front lawn of the Catholic church my family and I attend, 50 tiny white crosses sprout like flowers from the ground.  A sign proclaims the crosses representative of the fifty million infants aborted since 1973, the year of the landmark Roe v. Wade Supreme Court decision.  Not surprisingly, there is no mention of the number of infants aborted before 1973, the implication, of course, being that Roe v. Wade kills infants.

The use of the incendiary word infant is no accident.  Pro-life folks, including church clergy, have long sensationalized through the misuse of words such as infants, babies, and murder in the condemnation of abortion.  In the interest of truth, Roe v. Wade has nothing to do with infanticide, the practice of which is highly illegal and certainly not prevalent in the U.S.

Nonetheless, all of this got me thinking:  How old do you have to be to remember life before Roe v. Wade and to objectively weigh (assuming objectivity is possible) the pros and cons of legalized abortion?  Well, in 1973, I was 28 years old and a news junkie; back then, I made a habit of reading the daily newspaper front to back.  (Today, I refuse to bombard my psyche with so much negativity.)  So, yes, I remember the many media reports surrounding the abortion issue.  Would I have remembered at 23?  Probably.  At 18?  Probably not.  

Based on this inexact and admittedly convoluted logic, I have concluded that someone born after 1950, meaning someone less than 62 years of age today, has not experienced the world before Roe v. Wade as a mature, thinking person.  This does not mean that the issue can not be studied and comprehended retrospectively; as with any historical period of time, it certainly can and my hat goes off to those who have made the effort.  However, I suspect many young (less than 62) pro-life folks have not done so and are guided far more by emotion than first-hand knowledge or intellect.      

If my suspicion is correct, those (at least those who are young) who advocate for the illegalization of abortion, fail to understand the associated implications: the return of back alley clinics, where women suffer sterility and death from infection; discrimination against the poor, as women who can afford the cost travel to other countries for the procedure; teenage girls unable to escape the wrath of abusive parents; the imprisonment of doctors who, guided by conscience, act on their training and save lives; women who die in hospitals pending an attorney's opinion; and women forced to endure legal battles to prove rape.  These are just some of the negative repercussions reported in the media before 1973; yet, these things, as bad as they are, only scratch the surface with regards to the complexity of the abortion issue.  

In order to objectively weigh the pros and cons, a person must form an intellectual answer to some difficult questions:  At what point, if any, is the life of a pregnant woman less important than the life of the embryo or fetus?  (I'll refrain from using the biologically correct terms of host and parasite.)  Under what circumstances, if any, should an abortion not be an option?  When is the life of the fetus viable?  If a woman decides to abort, does she have a legal and moral right to a medically safe procedure?  Does societal interest supersede the individual right of a woman to exert control over her body?  Whew!  It is little wonder that as a country we are almost equally split along the pro-life, pro-choice great divide.

I recognize the very valid arguments made for both points of view; however, I staunchly oppose the efforts of the pro-life camp to illegalize abortion.  As we learned from the Roaring Twenties, prohibition can be a very bad idea.  The price of illegalization (prohibition), and even highly restricted legalization, from both a societal and individual perspective is simply too great, whether applicable to alcohol or abortion.  Often, even in the face of something distasteful, a pragmatic approach works best.  Unfortunately, the issue is so emotionally charged for many that this perspective is often lost, replaced by well intended, but misguided reasoning. 

Ecstasy at Your Feet

You do not need to do anything, just remain sitting at your table 
     and listen.
Do not even listen, just wait.
Do not even wait, just be quiet, still and solitary,
     and the universe will expose itself to you.
It has no choice. It will roll in ecstasy at your feet.
     --- Franz Kafka

Election Finally Over!

Last night, I watched and listened to GAC all evening, an intentional election return avoidance tactic.  Tybee Island is the time and place where I re-ground and re-center my life.  The last thing I needed was the emotional turmoil associated with being bombarded with election returns all evening.

As a social progressive, I was greatly relieved when I turned on the TV this morning and learned of Obama's victory.  However, my expectations are low for his second term; the party of NO still holds the House and will continue to be ... well, the party of NO.  My greatest hope is that Obama will have the opportunity to appoint one or more forward thinking Supreme Court justices during his last term.

I view Obama's reelection as vital to our future.  It at least slows for now the unprecedented tidal wave of extreme conservatism consuming the political landscape, and for that matter, the national landscape in so many areas of life.  Roe v.Wade and healthcare are far from secure, but thank God, far more secure than with a Romney election.      

Tybee Tour

The time is drawing near.  The reservations have been made.  My motorcycle has been serviced.  Soon, I will begin packing in preparation for my third annual motorcycle tour to Tybee Island.  I will be on the island November 5th - 9th and I am eagerly looking forward to the trip.

I have written about this before, but the island is almost eerily strange during the week, in the month of November.  For one, It is nearly deserted, with mostly locals to be found in the shops, restaurants and bars.  For another, the weather is cool in the mornings and evenings, and even cold at times.  The days are unpredictable; the temperature can be cool or very warm.  Last year, the island was socked-in with fog for most of the duration of my trip.  In other words, the weather gods can play all kinds of tricks on visitors this time of year and anything can be expected.

I can predict a meaningful time alone, communing with nature, while enjoying the beauty of the island.  It is a time to reflect and renew.  It is a time to be me.    

  

If You Want Fidelity, Get a Dog

Christopher Ryan, psychologist and co-author (with his wife) of Sex at Dawn, debunks the culturally instilled notion that monogamy comes naturally to the human species.  Speaking at a conference in Australia last year, he overviews the history of human sexuality as presented in his book.  His talk can be found on YouTube by searching on: christopher ryan monogamy.  He presents many interesting facts and conclusions, making the video well worth the invested time of fifty-seven minutes.

Hurt Feelings

She said I hurt her feelings.  I didn't mean to, but I did.  We talked about my annual motorcycle sojourn to Tybee Island in November.  We had just fucked and she said I hurt her feelings.  Huh?  Seems like a weird time to have hurt feelings.  But who's to say?

For a year, she has been hinting that she wants to join me on the island for a few days.  It seems she has never been to Tybee.  How strange, I thought.  She is a lifelong Georgian and has never been to peach paradise.  I said okay, but with a condition: she must first take care of a long overdue personal matter, then she can join me.  It would be her reward for doing what needs to be done.  She said it can't be done so soon, so I told her she could join me next year after her issue is resolved. 

This hurt her feelings.  We had just fucked and I hurt her feelings.

Georgia Equality

I recently attended a workshop sponsored by our local poly group.  A young woman from Georgia Equality gave a nice presentation on advocacy.   Georgia Equality advocates for the LGBTQ community and the focus of her presentation dealt with lobbying and the ins and outs of interacting with legislators at the state level.  She did a great job and I found her presentation very interesting.  

But why, I wondered?  Why is it necessary to lobby for basic human rights and equality for all?  Isn't fairness one of our core values?  Obviously, it is necessary to advocate because LGBTQ people are certainly disenfranchised in our society, especially here in the Southeast.  But why?  Do we believe sexual and gender orientation are matters of personal choice?  That people choose to be queer? Or of an opposite gender?  Do we still believe in 2012 that homosexuality is a disease that can be cured?  What exactly are we afraid of?  Can we not rise above religious and cultural brainwashing?

The presenter made an interesting comment about Georgia Equality's strategic focus.  Limited time and financial resources are invested where gains are possible, in such areas as workplace equality and school bullying.  These fights are winnable and progress has been made.  They shy aware from losing battles, such as marriage equality.  Her comment: "Georgia legislators would rather slit their throats than vote for gay marriage."

Think about it.  People in power would rather die than grant equal rights to all.  For a state that in many ways can be very progressive, in other respects, we remain in the backwoods.

Freedom Day

Today is Freedom Day - the beginning of another school year.  As much as I love my children, which is more than life itself, this is one of my favorite days of the year.  I relish the hours of freedom the school year affords me to mostly do what I want, when I want.

Connie works full time and endures a long daily commute, so she is absent for most of every weekday.  The kids are now old enough to fend for themselves after school, further extending the amount of time to read, write, ride my motorcycle and pursue other interests.  The time spent with my children over the summer was nice, but now it is time to move on, to enrich my life with knowledge and, hopefully, to grow. 

H. and Me

Speaking of H., as I did in my second to last post, I want to introduce her, or at least, introduce our relationship.  We have romantic feelings for each other and she has an ethical relationship with her husband of the "don't ask, don't tell" variety.  Thus, our relationship meets the definition of polyamory, and currently, it is my sole polyamorous relationship.  My other relationships, current or in the recent past, have not been poly, either because spousal consent or romantic feelings were lacking.  (K. is friendship and BDSM based; B. lacked conjugal consent;  and for whatever reason, I just couldn't get excited about C.) 

Both H. and I are married to others and our relationship is clearly secondary to these important primary partnerships.  I am very comfortable with my secondary status, but I wish for a more active relationship with H.  It will never be as active as I would like, because her lifestyle does not permit it; but, we clearly need to rise above the poly fringes if we are to sustain a meaningful and vibrant relationship.  Fortunately, there have been some signs of growth in recent months, both romantically and sexually, and I will hang in as long as the relationship continues to move forward.  She is well worth it. 

Connie's Class Reunion

Connie returned home yesterday from a four day trip to Louisville.  Her pretense for going was to attend her high school class reunion; however, I have no doubt the prime motivator was an opportunity to spend time with her boyfriend.  He flew in one day after her arrival, but they otherwise shared residency in a local motel during her entire visit.

During other recent times they were together, I experienced amazement by the minimal influence of the green-eyed monster on my psyche.  On the surface, at least, the monster seems to have lost much of its power over me.  I questioned whether or not this was an illusion, perhaps some sort of subconscious defense mechanism.  I decided to try and discern the answer by paying close attention to my feelings this time.

Now, more aware, I realize that I did experience some jealously, but it was overwhelmed by compersion, my joy for her happiness being with him.  It is often said and written that compersion is the opposite of jealousy; but I don't believe this is quite accurate.  For me, at least, the two feelings are not mutually exclusive as I experienced both, just much more of one than the other.

Also, I became aware of a shift in the emotion underlying my jealousy.  In the past, it was overwhelmingly fear of loss; in other words, my fear that Connie would fall in love  with another and lose interest in me.  This was a carryover from my swinging mindset, frantically clinging to the dyadic relationship by wanting to keep sex with others strictly casual.  Now, I think, my jealousy is more centered in envy, knowing that he was being intimate with her, and during these times, wishing to be him. 

Now, I know myself just a little better.  And now it is okay for her to love another. 

A Day at the Valley

Yesterday was a good day.  I spent the day with my slave at Paradise Valley (formerly Hidden Valley), a family nudist resort in Dawsonville.  I am a long-time nudist, and at various times, a member of both Mountain Creek Grove (formally, Pleasure Grove) and Serendipity resorts.  Currently, I have a single membership at Serendipity, as my wife does not like family resorts.  (Connie has an irrational fear of being seen naked by children.)

Over the years, I have heard much about 'the Valley,' both good and bad.  However, I observed only good things yesterday.  The facilities are outstanding and the crowd seemed friendly.  I observed several recent improvements and heard about more on the drawing board.  It seemed strange that I had never visited before.

I received a wonderful bonus upon my arrival home, a text from H.  This began a long thread that continued well into the wee hours of the morning, while we were both alone in our respective beds.  Connie is out of town with her boyfriend and I was feeling her absence.  H. is a lover and we have an energy connection.  I believe she intuited my need to hear from her last night.

Yesterday was a good day.

An Enigmatic Relationship

She was an enigma and our relationship enigmatic.    We dated over a period of about six months, but not frequently.  We saw each other perhaps six or seven times and had sex on about half of those occasions.  It was wonderful. 

When together, she was fully engaged, articulate, playful, fun, and at times, funny.  When apart, our communication can only be described as shitty at best.  She was schizophrenic: the 'we are together person' and the 'we are apart person'.  It became too frustrating.  Not by spoken word, but by unspoken mutual agreement, we allowed the relationship to fade into the sunset around May.

We've ignored each other over the summer, except for an exchange of pleasantries on the Fourth of July and a recent text dialogue, which I initiated; she suggested lunch after the start of the school year and I agreed.  We'll see if it really happens.

She has a complicated life: a job, four kids and an insecure husband.  I understood this, or thought I did, but perhaps, not well enough.  Our relationship was not poly due to the absence of conjugal knowledge and consent, but this is merely a definitional detail.  I thought of her as my girlfriend.  Now, I'm trying to get over her and it has not been easy. 
 

Class Reunion

I said 'goodbye' to Connie this morning.  She's off to Louisville for a long weekend.  On Saturday evening, she and her high school classmates will come together for their class reunion.  I won't say how many years they are celebrating, but far fewer than my next one.  It's not likely I'll be there though.  In almost 50 years, I've only been to one and that was about 45 years ago. 

Connie's boyfriend is a classmate and, of course, they will spend the weekend together.  I'm happy for her, since he lives out of state and they do not see each other often.  I know they will have a great time.  I feel compersion.

The Beginning

I'm not sure why I created this blog.  I just did, probably because I wanted a personal journal.  In fact, my initial instinct was to name the blog Stan's Journal, but that's boring.  Also, it's insufficient.  As I write this first entry, I have no idea what subsequent entries will bring, but I know one thing with certainty: it will reflect my personal journey.  To where?  I don't know, but I do know it began in earnest after my retirement on January 1, 2011.  It was a few months after this date when I began the study of polyamory, followed by paganism and then energy.

I am now so intrigued with energy that I recently became Reiki level two certified and hope to become a Reiki Master this fall.  More on this later.