Georgia Equality

I recently attended a workshop sponsored by our local poly group.  A young woman from Georgia Equality gave a nice presentation on advocacy.   Georgia Equality advocates for the LGBTQ community and the focus of her presentation dealt with lobbying and the ins and outs of interacting with legislators at the state level.  She did a great job and I found her presentation very interesting.  

But why, I wondered?  Why is it necessary to lobby for basic human rights and equality for all?  Isn't fairness one of our core values?  Obviously, it is necessary to advocate because LGBTQ people are certainly disenfranchised in our society, especially here in the Southeast.  But why?  Do we believe sexual and gender orientation are matters of personal choice?  That people choose to be queer? Or of an opposite gender?  Do we still believe in 2012 that homosexuality is a disease that can be cured?  What exactly are we afraid of?  Can we not rise above religious and cultural brainwashing?

The presenter made an interesting comment about Georgia Equality's strategic focus.  Limited time and financial resources are invested where gains are possible, in such areas as workplace equality and school bullying.  These fights are winnable and progress has been made.  They shy aware from losing battles, such as marriage equality.  Her comment: "Georgia legislators would rather slit their throats than vote for gay marriage."

Think about it.  People in power would rather die than grant equal rights to all.  For a state that in many ways can be very progressive, in other respects, we remain in the backwoods.

Freedom Day

Today is Freedom Day - the beginning of another school year.  As much as I love my children, which is more than life itself, this is one of my favorite days of the year.  I relish the hours of freedom the school year affords me to mostly do what I want, when I want.

Connie works full time and endures a long daily commute, so she is absent for most of every weekday.  The kids are now old enough to fend for themselves after school, further extending the amount of time to read, write, ride my motorcycle and pursue other interests.  The time spent with my children over the summer was nice, but now it is time to move on, to enrich my life with knowledge and, hopefully, to grow. 

H. and Me

Speaking of H., as I did in my second to last post, I want to introduce her, or at least, introduce our relationship.  We have romantic feelings for each other and she has an ethical relationship with her husband of the "don't ask, don't tell" variety.  Thus, our relationship meets the definition of polyamory, and currently, it is my sole polyamorous relationship.  My other relationships, current or in the recent past, have not been poly, either because spousal consent or romantic feelings were lacking.  (K. is friendship and BDSM based; B. lacked conjugal consent;  and for whatever reason, I just couldn't get excited about C.) 

Both H. and I are married to others and our relationship is clearly secondary to these important primary partnerships.  I am very comfortable with my secondary status, but I wish for a more active relationship with H.  It will never be as active as I would like, because her lifestyle does not permit it; but, we clearly need to rise above the poly fringes if we are to sustain a meaningful and vibrant relationship.  Fortunately, there have been some signs of growth in recent months, both romantically and sexually, and I will hang in as long as the relationship continues to move forward.  She is well worth it. 

Connie's Class Reunion

Connie returned home yesterday from a four day trip to Louisville.  Her pretense for going was to attend her high school class reunion; however, I have no doubt the prime motivator was an opportunity to spend time with her boyfriend.  He flew in one day after her arrival, but they otherwise shared residency in a local motel during her entire visit.

During other recent times they were together, I experienced amazement by the minimal influence of the green-eyed monster on my psyche.  On the surface, at least, the monster seems to have lost much of its power over me.  I questioned whether or not this was an illusion, perhaps some sort of subconscious defense mechanism.  I decided to try and discern the answer by paying close attention to my feelings this time.

Now, more aware, I realize that I did experience some jealously, but it was overwhelmed by compersion, my joy for her happiness being with him.  It is often said and written that compersion is the opposite of jealousy; but I don't believe this is quite accurate.  For me, at least, the two feelings are not mutually exclusive as I experienced both, just much more of one than the other.

Also, I became aware of a shift in the emotion underlying my jealousy.  In the past, it was overwhelmingly fear of loss; in other words, my fear that Connie would fall in love  with another and lose interest in me.  This was a carryover from my swinging mindset, frantically clinging to the dyadic relationship by wanting to keep sex with others strictly casual.  Now, I think, my jealousy is more centered in envy, knowing that he was being intimate with her, and during these times, wishing to be him. 

Now, I know myself just a little better.  And now it is okay for her to love another. 

A Day at the Valley

Yesterday was a good day.  I spent the day with my slave at Paradise Valley (formerly Hidden Valley), a family nudist resort in Dawsonville.  I am a long-time nudist, and at various times, a member of both Mountain Creek Grove (formally, Pleasure Grove) and Serendipity resorts.  Currently, I have a single membership at Serendipity, as my wife does not like family resorts.  (Connie has an irrational fear of being seen naked by children.)

Over the years, I have heard much about 'the Valley,' both good and bad.  However, I observed only good things yesterday.  The facilities are outstanding and the crowd seemed friendly.  I observed several recent improvements and heard about more on the drawing board.  It seemed strange that I had never visited before.

I received a wonderful bonus upon my arrival home, a text from H.  This began a long thread that continued well into the wee hours of the morning, while we were both alone in our respective beds.  Connie is out of town with her boyfriend and I was feeling her absence.  H. is a lover and we have an energy connection.  I believe she intuited my need to hear from her last night.

Yesterday was a good day.

An Enigmatic Relationship

She was an enigma and our relationship enigmatic.    We dated over a period of about six months, but not frequently.  We saw each other perhaps six or seven times and had sex on about half of those occasions.  It was wonderful. 

When together, she was fully engaged, articulate, playful, fun, and at times, funny.  When apart, our communication can only be described as shitty at best.  She was schizophrenic: the 'we are together person' and the 'we are apart person'.  It became too frustrating.  Not by spoken word, but by unspoken mutual agreement, we allowed the relationship to fade into the sunset around May.

We've ignored each other over the summer, except for an exchange of pleasantries on the Fourth of July and a recent text dialogue, which I initiated; she suggested lunch after the start of the school year and I agreed.  We'll see if it really happens.

She has a complicated life: a job, four kids and an insecure husband.  I understood this, or thought I did, but perhaps, not well enough.  Our relationship was not poly due to the absence of conjugal knowledge and consent, but this is merely a definitional detail.  I thought of her as my girlfriend.  Now, I'm trying to get over her and it has not been easy. 
 

Class Reunion

I said 'goodbye' to Connie this morning.  She's off to Louisville for a long weekend.  On Saturday evening, she and her high school classmates will come together for their class reunion.  I won't say how many years they are celebrating, but far fewer than my next one.  It's not likely I'll be there though.  In almost 50 years, I've only been to one and that was about 45 years ago. 

Connie's boyfriend is a classmate and, of course, they will spend the weekend together.  I'm happy for her, since he lives out of state and they do not see each other often.  I know they will have a great time.  I feel compersion.

The Beginning

I'm not sure why I created this blog.  I just did, probably because I wanted a personal journal.  In fact, my initial instinct was to name the blog Stan's Journal, but that's boring.  Also, it's insufficient.  As I write this first entry, I have no idea what subsequent entries will bring, but I know one thing with certainty: it will reflect my personal journey.  To where?  I don't know, but I do know it began in earnest after my retirement on January 1, 2011.  It was a few months after this date when I began the study of polyamory, followed by paganism and then energy.

I am now so intrigued with energy that I recently became Reiki level two certified and hope to become a Reiki Master this fall.  More on this later.